ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
