But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
