I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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