You work out of a Hotel?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
