anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
