just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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