omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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