I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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