I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
