At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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