I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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