After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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