problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
