apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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