Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
