I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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