saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i'm inner monologue high
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
