Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
