Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
