oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
