should my penis look like a turkey
i came on her dog
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
