Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
