It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I see more hoeing in ur future
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
