I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
