literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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