That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
