I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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