Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
