you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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