im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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