Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I checked into jail on foursquare
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
