D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
