dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
