Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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