i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
