i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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