i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
