My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
