Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
