Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
