cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
