I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
