at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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