Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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