I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
