the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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