Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
