if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Porn is love you can see.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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