i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
