Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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