I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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