Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
