then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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