Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
