I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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