as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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