I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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