Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
