I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
