bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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