Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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