Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think people are normalizing furries
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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