Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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