Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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