I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
