What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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