everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
