i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
