So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Are my feet made of real feet?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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