Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
These tits shall not be calmed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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