Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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