God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize