"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
