You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize