watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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