I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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