Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
