is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
