well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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