hell yes lets make some ravioli
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
