I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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