She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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