census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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