looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
