Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
