Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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