Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
