Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
