im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
