the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
