he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
