Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
