You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize