i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
