i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
