Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
