im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
