we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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