I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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