you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
