Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
