Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
