The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
