im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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