guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
