did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
