It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize