party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I believe in your delicious
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
