god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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