I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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