P.S. I can't hear my feet
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
