There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
...so i touched it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
