When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
