I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
