I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
