fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize